Sour Problems, Sweet Results
by Neo the Saiyan angel
Summary: Drakken tries to deal with a foe that has defeated him soundly in the past with surprising results.


Drakken was walking back into the lair, happy at finally being recognized and actually beating his arch-foe in a roundabout way (after all, he beat the guys that beat her), when…

he…

…saw…

…it!

He'd never been able to defeat this foe, this thing that was more powerful than even Kim Possible. Nothing brought him down so far, beaten all of his henchmen so badly, as this.

But now, Drakken had the means to defeat it. His new plant powers could certainly earn him the victory. He sneered, sending it a glare that could melt steel. There was no way he could fail. This would certainly be the crowning achievement to the week he'd had.

So Drakken went to work on this latest mission…

…First, he tried his improved strength, twisting it with all of his might.

Nothing happened. Except for what he was sure was a strain in his arm.

…Next, he pulled out the vines. THEY could surely get the job done!

Nope. Nada. Nothing besides a bit of burn on the vines. They waved about in agony before going back into his body.

…He used the thorn-claws he learned to make to try to claw it into submission, maybe cause the innards to fall out.

Now he knew why Shego didn't like to grow her nails out. Drakken was certain that he had jammed his finger and damaged a couple of his regular nails.

Once more, its mere existence in current state taunted him. How could this happen _again_?

Losing his temper, he made some vicious, thorn-covered vines, threw the object around a few times, and unleashed all of the doomsday weapons in the lair on its unyielding form.

About 15 minutes later, he was exhausted and sweaty. The lair was in tatters. All of his weapons were either rendered inert or downright destroyed. Yet, there it sat…not even a scratch on it, as if to continue mocking him.

"GrrrrrrRRAAAAGGHHHHH!!!" he screamed, dropping to his knees and grabbing his hair to increase the drama of the moment. "WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME LIKE THIS?!"

"Because it's fun."

Drakken blinked a couple of times, his face twisting into a shocked, almost scared expression. Did it just…

He jumped in surprise, a finger on his shoulder having scared him right out of his pale blue skin. Drakken stumbled forward, away from the offending appendage, and fell on his face. A quick roll and scramble to his feet later, he was facing the person who managed to sneak up on him

"Yikes! Geez, Doc, calm down," Shego said, her arms held up in a placating manner. She took a look around the room, her eyes lingering on the destroyed machinery and smoldering craters in the floor. Eventually, she brought her gaze upon the object which vexed Drakken so.

"Oh, no…No…You didn't-" She smacked herself on her forehead and moved her head side-to-side in a disbelieving manner. "I can't believe you. You tried it _again_?"

Drakken tried to recover, realizing that Shego's wrath was soon to come if he didn't try to appease her.

"Well," he began, "I thought that…with my new powers and all, maybe I could finally take care of it myself?" He ended with a feeble sort of questioning tone, quickly losing his nerve when he encountered Shego's less-than-amused glare.

"Ya-huh. Sure." She snapped. "Because your 'green-bean' powers could REALLY _make_ _the floor smoke_!"

Drakken took a step back toward the offending object, his attention too focused on Shego to notice.

"Now Shego," he reasoned. "calm down! I just thought that-"

"Thought what?" Shego fired back. "That by _blowing up the lair_, you would prove something? What would that be? That you're just as lame as everyone thought you were?"

Her tone was more chiding and exasperated than anything; but it cut through Drakken like a knife, making him feel about two inches tall and more of a loser than he'd felt since the conclusion of the 'Diablo' incident.

"I…well…I just…" He sighed, collapsing to the floor next to the object. "…I was just hoping that…I could do this myself. I guess I really _am_ lame."

Drakken put his head down, looking at his lap in a lost sort of way, trying to keep the stinging tears that certainly weren't there from escaping. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to stop the sniffling.

Shego stood there, blinking a few times in a mix of surprise and disbelief before walking over to him. Her expression softened slightly as she sat down on her haunches and patted him on the back.

"Hey, cheer up, Dr D." She consoled. "You just saved the world! You're gonna be getting an award and everything. Don't go all 'cry-baby' on me."

She picked up the object and gave it a twist, the lid easily coming off in her hand. Reaching her hand into the jar, she pulled out a gherkin and waved it in front of Drakken's face. "Besides," she added, "opening the pickle jar has always been my job. _Capiche_?"

Drakken lifted his head, his eyes still slightly moist with frustrated tears, and saw Shego's expression. He was slightly confused by its appearance of sincere concern. After all, now would be the _perfect_ time to knock him down a few pegs. Here he was, sitting and crying over a jar of gherkins, and she was trying to _cheer him up_? He would have never believed in a million years that Shego—of all people—would do something like that.

Shego coughed a little, the gherkin still swinging in her hand. "Well? Didn't you want a pickle thing?"

"Oh! Uh…er, thanks," he replied, taking the gherkin and blushing slightly. Wait…why was he blushing? He could feel his cheeks burning, but there wasn't anything to be embarrassed about besides his little crying session. And he'd certainly done more embarrassing things than that. Drakken ignored the butterfly feeling in his stomach and the fact that his heart was beating slightly faster than normal.

'_Strange_' Shego thought. '_Why's he goin' all purple on me_?' They stared at each other for a second, unsure of what to do, before they noticed how close they were and how Shego's hand was now resting on his shoulder, squeezing it slightly. The moment was broken by the sudden appearance of petals around Drakken's neck. Growling, he pulled them off, snapping Shego out of her trance.

Shego stood up abruptly, causing some of the juice in the jar to slosh around and dribble down the side of the jar. A few drips fell on Drakken's head, adding a sticky feeling to hair that was already oilier than average.

"Gah! Watch what you do with that thing!" Drakken yelled, the odd moment forgotten in an instant. He got to his feet and frowned impertinently at Shego. "Do you _want_ me to smell like gherkin at the ceremony?"

Shego frowned, her usual demeanor returning at his mood swing. "Well," she snapped, "you need to take a shower anyway. You haven't been near anything _resembling_ soap since you started working on that plant thingy two weeks ago."

Drakken didn't like that idea, especially since he hadn't really tested his plants to see how they would react. "But She-"

"No 'buts'!" She interrupted, putting down the jar and pushing him toward his room. "I'm not about to go on stage with a guy that looks and smells like some sort of greasy car mechanic."

"Now wait just a-" he paused, still being pushed by her, and turned his head. "Wait…You're coming with me?"

Shego flushed slightly, but maintained her expression of indifference.

"Well…yeah." She rationalized. "SOMEONE has to make sure you don't fall off the stage or say something stupid."

"Hey now!" Drakken retorted. "I'm the baddest cat that the world's ever seen, girlfriend!" A couple of finger snaps accompanied his declaration. The annoyed look Shego gave in response told him enough. "…I should just keep my mouth shut, shouldn't I?"

"Yeah," she agreed, "that'd probably be good. Opening it hasn't worked yet, now has it?" She pushed the button to open the door to his room.

Drakken turned toward her, a hopeful smile on his face. "So you're coming with me? Seriously?"

For some reason, it gave Shego a warm feeling in her chest. A feeling she immediately squashed with more witty remarks. "Yup. Just don't try to dress up or anything. I remember your idea of 'dressing up' from the Diablo disaster,"

A flaming finger waved in front of his face. He slowly nodded to show he got the message. "Good. Though you may want to grab one of your less destroyed lab coats. Just to keep from looking like some sort of insane hick." She gave him another evaluating glance. "Nevermind. There're some things that are just impossible to fix."

"Hey now! I-"

"Hey, brainiac!" She insisted "Ya may want to get yourself ready. Time's a-wastin' and I'm not about to let you go out in the condition you're in now."

"Fine, fine. Wait…what will _you_ be doing?" Drakken's eyebrow rose, his curiosity getting the best of him.

"I have to get ready too. What, did you think that I'd go dressed in _this_? In front of _international dignitaries_? Are you…Wait, we already covered that."

Drakken scowled, but as he was opening his mouth to retort, the metal door slid shut in front of him. Laughing at having gotten the last word, Shego turned to her room, giving a final glance to the door as she went to get ready. On the other side, Drakken was still scowling and muttering.

"Ohh…someday, Shego," he vowed, "I'll be the one laughing last. Just you wait and…" He sniffed himself, his nose wrinkling in disgust. "Eww. Perhaps I _should_ go refresh myself…"

**

* * *

Author's Notes:**

_Not sure where this came from. I was just wondering about pickles and I remembered that Drakken never had his rematch with the jar of gherkin. This is my version of what happened when it finally occurred. Of course, I had to throw in some D/S. Who wouldn't? It's the perfect time, right before the ceremony where Drakken got the medal. And who wouldn't bond over a jar of gherkin?_

_No. I don't think that he remembered to shower with the super hypolinator mutagen excitement going on. He seems to have a tendency to get caught up in something like that and forget other, less important things...like personal hygiene._

_Thanks to Mike Industries, Samurai Crunchbird, and Ran Hakubi for their help.  
_


End file.
